PAIN

 

I’d been to the edge with the intent to jump
And had become happy with thoughts of no pain
Feeling my uselessness as an inherited curse
I had nothing left to gain
The sun failed to shine
In my world overcast
Birds no longer sang
And the first had become the last
All things good and whole
Had turned and went their way
They were never to return to me
So I felt I should just go away
Consumption by hate, to save was too late
Where should I turn now?
Why do I get kicked when I’m down?
When could I be happy? Or even better, how?
Fallen and fetal
I will return to the dirt
Bittersweet battle within
No longer would I hurt
Smiles soon faded
And hearts followed to break
As I cried out for help
I cried in heaven’s sake
Routinely I cried
For a hand to reach to me
I looked blankly at emptiness’ stare
And closed my eyes reluctantly
But I felt one more fight, a chance in me
To save myself from isolation
Piercing my lips were words of insignificance
And the end to my frustration
As time’s hands moved on and on
Together, as one, we grew
Now solitary routine you seek
You seek you never knew
Tired of times we spend together
Tired of me you grow
Tired of being tired in time
No feelings will you show
But in time as your thoughts are even
Will I be thought of only as your pawn
And will you be happy or sad
When I’m finally gone?

April 24, 2012 at 2:57 pm 2 comments

I’ve Learned that..

I’ve Learned that to  make yourself happy you have to pursue your passion and be the best of what you can be. 

I’ve Learned that you have to simplify your life and take away all the clutter.

I’ve Learned that true and real relationship continues to grow even over the longest distance, same goes with frienship.

I’ve Learned that people you may care about the most are sometimes taken away from you too soon.

I’ve Learned that maturity has nothing to do with your age, but with the experience you had and how you actually learned from it. 

I’ve Learned that two people looking at the same thing can see the same thing differently.

I’ve Learned that you have to take care of yourself, dont wait for someone to take care of you. Too Pathetic

I’ve Learned that you have to live every dreams you have. Don’t lose hope.

I’ve Learned that you dont really need to grow old, just grow UP

I’ve Learned that there are something in life we dont want to happen but we just have to accept. Things that we might dont wanna know but have to learn and people we cant live without but have to let go. 

I’ve Learned that every wrong decision is in fact a correct decision taken at a wrong time. Be optimist. Just Keep on walking ahead.

I’ve Learned that mistakes don’t exist, only Lessons

April 12, 2012 at 9:48 am 2 comments

Ikalawang Pagkabigo sa Damuhan

Unang pag-ibig, Unang pagkasawi
hindi na muling iibig, sa aki’y namutawi
nasaktan, lumuha, ngunit walang napala
puso ko’y pagod na, ang aking HINUHA

Ang pagkasawing sa puso’t isipan ay tumimo
hindi mawaglit, pagkabigong aking natamo
nawasak, napunit, pusong aking iningatan
parang isang tanikalang, bumaon, pinabayaan

Nakatanaw sa kasarinlan, mula sa aking kinalalagyan
mistulang SILID-AKLATAN, halos hinagpis lamang ang laman
napaisip, napagtanto, ako’y may nais mabatid
kung bakit sa eskwelahan, walang KAGAWARAN ng pag-ibig

Habang nakaupo’y patuloy na nagmamasid
sa mga taong galang naglipana sa paligid
may ilan na tunay na LARAWAN ng pag-ibig
subalit ang ilan, puso’y pinupuyos ng galit

Lumabas sa silid, ako ay napatda
sa himpapawid, sumasalipawpaw isang SARANGGOLA
umaayon sa huni ng hanging tila isang musika
puso kong bato, biglaang nagitla

Makulay, maganda, parang isang tala
mula dito sa DAMUHAN, ako’y humahanga
binaybay ang lubid na sa guryon nakakabit
pusong uhaw sa pagibig, muling pumipintig

Isang dalagang marikit, ako’y napaibig
kanyang napakabog, natutulog kong dibdib
nawika, “Kung ang GALUNGGONG nga ay nagmamahal,
paano pa kayang ang tao na may puso at Dangal”

Huni na lamang ng kulisap ang aking naririnig
ngiti nya na lamang, aking nais na mamasid
nanalangin “O kupido, BAYANI ng mga puso
paibigin ang dalaga sa isang katulad ko”

At sya ay lumingon patungo sa aking pwesto
ako’y nataranta, hindi magkandatuto
papalapit ng papalapit, ako’y natutuliro
nang sya biglang salubungin ng lalaki sa likuran ko

Sila’y pinagmamasdan habang papalayo
biglang nadurog, pusong kanina ay buo
Nagmaktol, naMALIGNO, nanlumo, nainis
puso kong masaya, ngayon tumatangis

Dito sa sakit na kasalukuyan nadarama
walang maipakakahulugan, kahit anung wika
subalit kung sa PANITIKAN ay may sukat at tugma
anung ang katulad ko’y mistulang tulang malaya

–  Lahok para sa “Bagsik ng Panitik” contest ng Damuhan

April 11, 2012 at 4:40 am 12 comments

A Letter to Noone

I was too down
im in the brim of giving up
seems like i have no one to talk to
i have no one in my back.
no one to push me through.
I couldn’t ignore the pain any longer
Life was just too much
I never saw my life in future times
Or happiness and love and such
I’d been to the edge with the intent to jump
And had become happy with thoughts of no pain
Feeling my uselessness as an inherited curse
I had nothing left to gain
The sun failed to shine
In my world overcast
Birds no longer sang
And the first had become the last
All things good and whole
Had turned and went their way
They were never to return to me
So I felt I should just go away
Consumption by hate, to save was too late
Where should I turn now?
Why do I get kicked when I’m down?
When could I be happy? Or even better, how?
Fallen and fatal
I will return to the dirt
Bittersweet battle within
No longer would I hurt
Smiles soon faded
And hearts followed to break
As I cried out for help
I cried in heaven’s sake
Routinely I cried
For a hand to reach to me
I looked blankly at emptiness’ stare
And closed my eyes reluctantly
But I felt one more fight, a chance in me
To save myself from isolation
Piercing my lips were words of insignificance
And the end to my frustration
As time’s hands moved on and on
Together, as one, we grew
Now solitary routine you seek
You seek you never knew
Tired of times we spend together
Tired of me you grow
Tired of being tired in time
No feelings will you show
But in time as your thoughts are even
Will I be thought of only as your pawn
And will you be happy or sad
When I’m finally gone?

April 11, 2012 at 3:22 am Leave a comment

Nothing but an Empty Soul

Walkin’ down the street
Livin’ a lie, Cars pass by
I just want to cry.
Hidden away
at the back of my mind
is that perilous thought,
“Will she leave me behind?
One love
one life
we are destined to be,
soulmates forever throughout eternity,
In past lives I have loved you,
In this life I love you too,
I know I’ll always find you
where ever you are,
No matter the consequence,
No matter how far,
From deep within my soul
you have touched the poet,
Brought words to life
and feelings to the surface.
so Don’t hurt me, my body is weary;
I’m not looking for lies,
I want only the truth to spoke.
No promises made
Nothing to keep.
Perhaps a whisper
floats in the dark so deep.
Despite good intentions,
But with faith ensured,
Runs deep emotions
We will endure
You can melt all the tension
and ease all the pain,
Making all refreshed as a cleansing spring rain.
A feeling of security,
a safe- haven if you may.
And within this dream I wish to forever stay.
but my rhymes have all turned venomous,
To twisted words of dreariness,
I hate the hate I never meant,
i never wanted to let you go
Eyes now searching, finding,
locked… arms caressing
Paths intertwining, becoming…
step by step –
Now there is only silence,
maddening silence.
It is suffocating,
draining my heart of your songs..
Emptiness that pulls, and pushes, and shoves…
The emptiness is within me, devouring me whole,
Leaving nothing left but an empty soul…

April 11, 2012 at 3:20 am Leave a comment

Fragility

I’m afraid of falling then eventually be falling apart.

I’m afraid of getting back into whole then be broken back again into pieces.

Why am i so vulnerable?

why am i so fragile with my emotion?

why am i emotionally weak?

how can i possibly protect myself?

why am i too scared to be acquainted with people?

why am i afraid of falling for them?

here i am again, falling for someone. i am now weighing things and trying to balance them all but the other end seemed to be a bit heavier. am i just too acquainted with my comfort zone? am i too sensitive?

but who could blame a firefly longing for the warmth of its cage, the sense of security that is actually in it?

can this early beginning end too soon?

im sick and tired of winning the battles i never fought for! i am damn fucking tired of protecting my unshielded comfort zone!

April 11, 2012 at 3:17 am Leave a comment

Life’s A Journey

Well, life has changed many things in me even on just how I see things. To those who really (somehow) know me, they would say that I’ve always been playful and I’m an adult acting like a toddler.

These past few days I’ve been self reflecting. I read some books (which has nothing to do with nursing for God’s Sake).and what really caught my attention was when I just asked to myself “What if I die Tomorrow?” Just by asking that to myself, a lot of question then popped-out. Have I done enough? Have a lived my Life accordingly? Or was I just an extra contribution to this crowded sinful world? Have I done any that would make me think I really did well?

Again, as what they say, you wouldn’t know the value of anything until you lost it but do we really have to wait until it’s over just to appreciate it?

Do we really have to put an end first before we actually learn how to deal with it?

In the course of my existence I’ve always been the most sentimental one. I keep things the way they should be kept. I still have those wraps of candies given to me by those people I admire and love. I still have those gift wraps I received every time I celebrated my birthday. I’ve always been this fearful-fighter who always thinks that everything will just happen for once. I always think that nothing will ever be the repetition of what had actually happened. I fear losing those memories. I am afraid of the hardest thing to intervene, the UKNOWN.

But one thing I am proud of with myself is the fact that I am growing. I mean, if I’m not would i actually by wasting my time bothered by this crap? Would i be thinking like this? Because for me, the fact that I am conscious about my future with connection to how I live my life now is actually an indicator that I’m growing more of a person. Not all people think this way because they are very much threatened by their present. Life as we know showers too many surprises. What if you do not pay attention to your future then you lived longer? Are you gonna make sense? How the hell could you possibly be living that kind of life that even yourself haven’t thought of?

Let people say what they want to say about you! Let them do what they want to do then at the end of the day, REFLECT! Analyze the criticism of people; it is with them that you would how you would change things within you, if you are more than enough or if you are just a total waste time!

My name is Lei and this is my JOURNEY!

April 11, 2012 at 3:15 am Leave a comment

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